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Five questions

From Dean, Vicar Emeritus of The Suman Latik Conspiracy:

1. You wake up one morning with a nose on your forehead--in addition to the one you already have. What are your first three thoughts?

ONE: Is it aligned to my first nose? Does it look natural? Is it the right shade of brown?
TWO: Zaphod Beeblebrox grew an additional arm and he got the Heart of Gold. I'm destined for universal greatness, likewise.
THREE: I'd better double my stock of tissue paper in case I get colds.
2. The government has a lot of different Departments and Agencies that cover a lot of concerns. What Department are we missing? What should be abolished?
I think the government's got everything covered, it's in the execution that they're missing. Can we create that, the Department of Executions? They can also moonlight and find creative ways to humanize the death penalty.

Agencies that should be abolished are those with acronyms greater than four letters. Putting up their signages is a waste of taxpayer's money.
3. The Virgin Mary appears to you tomorrow night. “Go to the Soviet Union and spread my compassion among the Communists”, she will say. Given the fact that Soviet Union is disassembled, do you take up her wish? Or try to get a better briefing? Or do something else altogether?
"VM, that is so 80's. Why won't we steer a little bit to the right and go to China? Everybody's going to China! Think of the sizable market share we can get."
4. Cosmic Boy and Magneto use their magnetic powers to move the iron in people’s bodies to whip their opponents around. Is this fair? Is this even possible?
Technically this is impossible. Although men store 1,000 mg and women 300 mg of iron in their bodies, this substance is present as an ion, Fe3+ in the form of ferritin. It has to be in its ferromagnetic form for serious opponent-whipping, like pure, elemental iron. What Cosmic Boy and Magneto can do is clad their enemies in iron suits to start the fun.
5. What’s the most stupid bit of advice anyone has ever offered you?
"Isipin mo na lang kung anong sasabihin nila pag ginawa mo yan."

Duh.
And here are the rules (hinarbat mula kay Dean):
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying “interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions--each person’s will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Go Sarimanok, where you belong!

“Five questions”