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Hello means Oh, Hell to me

I was used to a telephone-to-employee ratio of 1:1, and if an adjacent phone was ringing, I wouldn't care less to pick it up. It was the unwritten rule, and with more than a year out of having everything within reach I still have the withdrawal symptoms from being pampered (oh what an oxymoron) inside cubicle L23.

Now my patience is wearing thin as I grapple for the communal telephone. The good news was that the ratio was down to 2:1 from a previous 4:1, when we had this rotating phone table contraption in the center that's an eyesore to boot.

Telemarketers I can kick out in five seconds flat, saying they're a major tick to my corporate existence but people looking for somebody else, especially cubicle-mates who are away, you must sound brutally nice.

"Hello, good morning. Can I speak to Dom?"
Speak to? Speak with? Speak on? I'm all lost.
Good thing that engineeringlish is around to pepper my speech just in case.
"He's not on his table."
"When will he come back?"
"I'm sorry I don't know."
"Can I leave a message? Please tell him that the supplier is already downstairs."
And I haven't even said yes. Mumble mumble mumble.
Yawns audibly, so that the caller can hear.
"Ok. Try to call again because I'm DOING SOMETHING ELSE."

Now don't tell me that the thing called manners is dead. He's now a techie guy married to a celebrity (Manners Sandejas, gets?).

Phone rings.
"Technology Development, good morning." Me in a not-so-sunny, gruffy receptionist tone, and I am not a receptionist in the first place.
"Hello, who is this?"
"HELLO, who IS this?"
I like the Dutch. They state their name once they get on the line. Goes back to the old days when every minute even for local calls counted. Obviously this is not a fellow from that side.
"I'm looking for Hans. Is he around?"
The number he is calling, is of course, not Hans'.
"Sorry, wrong number."
"Can I get his number?"
"Call the operator."
Then I hang up.

In the middle of an important meeting when the telephone rings (a terrible, terrible disturbance when everybody is picking up steam), it being a speakerphone for telecon purposes, these are my choices for opening lines:

"Southern Police District, good morning."
"Funeraria Paz, can I help you?"
"Bantay Bata."

It just works, but if the caller persists, I'd play the part.

"Ma'am, if you would be interested we have a buy-one-take-one promo on fiberglass caskets."

“Hello means Oh, Hell to me”

  1. Anonymous noreen Says:

    may mga tao lang yatang pinanganak na taga sagot ng phone. butina lang, maraming ganun sa department namin. kahit sa ibang tao na nagri-ring, pinipick up pa rin nila. :D

    manong, pano utang ko sa iyo?

  2. Anonymous sky Says:

    "may mga tao lang yatang pinanganak na taga sagot ng phone."

    oo nga ano? too bad i'm not one of them.

  3. Anonymous kathy Says:

    i can totally relate to this article..nakakapagod sumagot ng telepono every 5sec! hayyy..

  4. Anonymous kathy Says:

    i can totally relate to this article..
    nakakapagod naman talagang sumagot ng telepono every after 5-10sec! minsan bimubunot ko na yung plug para makapagtrabaho ako ng maayos at walang istorbo.